Sunday, December 29, 2013

A Cord Not Easily Broken

I think about it every day.  Him.  His character.  His spirit.  His ways that are so different from mine and yet so appealing to me.  I know it's because all the ways that God made him different from me are like balm to my soul. Pouring into all the cracks and filling in the empty spaces. He is what I am not and God in his infinite wisdom knew that was exactly what I needed.

The feel of his hand resting in the small of my back as he guides me across a parking lot or on my arm as he leads me into a room is his way of expressing respect and protection and I love the feel of that.  It makes me feel safe and cherished.

When he works beside me in the kitchen or dusts a piece of furniture or when he has one end of a sheet and I have the other and we begin to fold... meeting in the middle... sharing our tasks....... 
 It is in these moments that he is loving me.

When he looks at me in a room full of people and our eyes meet we can exchange a thousand words without one being spoken.

When there is a need for words, he often finds the right ones and whispers them gently providing comfort or advice...affirmation....and sometimes even a gentle rebuke.

We are not saints.  We, like everyone else are sinners in relationship.  Every day isn't a scene from "Leave it to Beaver."  We aren't June and Ward.  There are times that we disagree, see things differently, yell, cry, slam the door.  We too look at our finances and wonder how we will pull it off.  There are days that I don't like myself, so I'm sure he's struggling to put up with me..and yes there are moments that I am having a hard time seeing him in his best light.  EVERY DAY in marriage is not easy.  Believing that you will live with someone for the rest of your life and never disagree, be angry, be tired, face trials, be fed up is not realistic.  It happens.

He may want to make me happy by taking me camping because he knows I love it, but after loading 50 gallon totes of decorative pillows, quilts and blankets plus the chalkboard I insist on bringing while I continue following behind him asking 1001 questions while sweat is beginning to form on his forehead....his desire to make me happy may begin to evaporate.  It may begin to dim even more once we arrive at the campsite and he begins to unload everything he just loaded with the knowledge that in two days we will be loading it again.  Yes, people, it is in times like this that life happens and fairy tales end.

There are times he needs ESPN and I need HGTV. I need a book, he needs the remote.  He needs the thermostat on 74 and I need it at 68.  He wants a hotel with air conditioning and I want a camper with none.  He thinks my being quiet so he can sleep late is better than me talking to him at 7:00 a.m...... on his day off.... and then proceeding to tell me exactly that.
 I am now going to take a time out and quote him my friends......... ("Sssh..silence is better."  )  Can you believe that?!
Somehow regardless of all of our differences, obstacles, quirky family members, life and hard core reality, we keep choosing "us."  The "us" changes.  We aren't the same people we were when we were 15 and 18..or even 15 years ago for that matter.  We may not always be the best "us."  But we keep choosing "us."
Because "for better or worse" is FOR REAL.  When the scale climbs higher, when the hair starts thinning, when you don't feel worthy or beautiful or he feels less make a choice.  We don't just choose a dress, a color for our brides maids, a cake.  We don't just committ to one day.  We also choose this man (or woman)...this life.... and all the days that will follow our wedding day.  They aren't always perfect.  Alot of times it's more complicated than just "me and him." 

However I've found that keeping our eyes on Jesus helps us with choosing.  He set us apart to be a help mate to each other.  To build up, to encourage, to believe in and support each other.  Sadly many times this is not what we choose.  We choose to belittle our husbands or wives, gossip about them and comunicate with others regarding their shortcomings.  We would rather talk with everyone else rather than gathering the courage to speak to our mate and work together regarding the issues in our marriages.  Unfortunately this gains us nothing but a place in the local gossip mill and does nothing to improve our relationships.  Our marriages are not bringing glory to God because we are not looking to him.  We choose the world and it's way of resolving our differences instead of  choosing "us."  The "US" that God ordained as a covenant relationship.

We can be different and still be successful in our marriages.  We can overcome if we are willing to put God in the center and speak with him regarding all the changes that need to occur in our marriages...on both sides.   We can become better at this marriage thing if we stop asking God to just change our mate and ask him to change us as well.  We can start building a team.  A team that consists of us and God.  A three strand cord....not easily broken. (Ecc. 4:12)

O.k. friends on a lighter note...I'm off to organize my 50 gallon camping tote for spring and praying that the Lord will send the comforter to my husband as he prepares to deal with me and my "stuff" and that he will move in my heart to downsize to the 25 gallon tote as a compromise :) 

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