If you've stopped by lately and there are no new posts, I'm kinda out of the whole writing thing right now. My dad passed away December 28th and for me, the world has shifted off its axis. Grief has moved in and set up shop and he and I are becoming acquainted. I'm not fond of grief in the least. It changes me and my normal. It makes me have feelings and responses that normally would not be a part of my make-up. But somehow, I know that we are in this together for the long haul. Exhaustion has set in..everything makes me on edge. Anything can send me into a crying jag. I don't know what to do with myself and to be honest, I don't know how to let others do anything for me. So I ask them to pray. Because I know that Jesus knows what to do with all of me. I don't even have the words to say to him..but the bible assures me that the holy spirit intervenes on my behalf.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Romans 8:26 NIV
So, I'm feeling the need for quiet right now.
Because everything else seems almost ridiculous.
Maybe forcing my self to do normal things will help eventually,
But for now, I long for peace.
I'm so excited to share with you that my Dad has found peace. He is no longer fighting for his next breath, or wasting away his time in a dialysis chair. His lungs are free of fluid. I imagine he has taken up residence on the river of life that proceeds out of the throne of God...and if it's not breaking the rules, I bet he has a fishing pole he drops in between the chorus of holy, holy, holy.
What an honor it was, and yet the hardest task I've ever undertaken, to hold his hand and pray him all the way home. He had told me earlier that day "Let me die." In essence, because of his surrender to Christ, he was actually asking to live....forever.
I'm hiding my self in the word. It is asking me to do things that seem almost impossible...
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.
James 1:2 NLT
In this moment, I am not feeling any joy or even see any indication of joy on the horizon.
But I walk by faith and not by sight. I believe God more than I do my feelings and I trust his promises.
Weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5
Right now it seems dark in the world without my dad here. But morning comes and he and I will walk hand in hand... because if he and my mom taught me anything...anything at all.. it was how to live to get where he is.
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