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Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Taking up our cross



This may be the scariest most vulnerable post I've ever written here.  I know many of you that we have confided in and asked to pray with us have voiced your concerns to others that "we haven't thought this through." and even some of those closest to us have stated "I think you have lost your mind."  Maybe we have.  But if so.... if this is losing our mind...(I can only speak for myself)  but I have never felt so right about anything in my life.




Back a while ago I posted this.  And a few months later I posted this.    Here we are and many days have been flipped on the calendar. Alot has happened.  I am amazed as I look back at how the Lord works.  How he knows the desires of our hearts because he places it there.  I am floored at how a thought can turn into a spark and how he fans it into a full blown flame.  I am humbled mostly at how he takes this mess of our lives and uses it for his glory, for his people, for his purpose.



Ken and I have decided to foster parent.  There was a time in our lives when Blake was younger that we felt led in this same direction.  Two training sessions in we decided that it wasn't the right time.  We had definite ideas about the environment we wanted to raise our son in. We agreed as a couple that having children in the same house with different rules and disciplinary methods were not something we were willing to navigate.  The disruption seemed too much of a compromise at the time and we discussed waiting until Blake was older, not ruling the idea out completely.  This may appear selfish to some or only thinking of our own child at the time but whatever your thoughts may be, it was our decision and we had our reasons.



 
 
 
Fast forward to last year.  My dad had passed away and I began to look at my life while I was grieving the loss of his.  I thought about death and mortality and my years here on this earth and why God even has me here to begin with.  I thought about my spiritual walk and my church and I started asking myself questions.  I started asking the Lord questions.  I turned to scripture to answer these questions and what I read was not lining up with what I was doing, how I was living, or who I was living for. I was hungry for more.  I wanted to stop talking about my faith and start living it out in a tangible way.

So I started to write about these things here and in my journal and I started to pray and discuss with my husband how we could make an intentional effort to live out our faith.  How just going to church didn't seem enough anymore.  We were excited but afraid at the same time.  God is kinda known for taking you places you may not necessarily be looking to go :)

The foster parenting idea began to weigh on my mind again.  I quickly dismissed it.  Our son is grown.  We are older.  I mentioned it to my husband as a possibility and he dismissed it quickly for the same reasons I had thought of already.  We were entering a different time in our life.  Time for us.  Our nest would soon be coming full circle.


We were in revival in November and over the past several months the thought of fostering had continued to weigh on my heart.  I would look at the heart gallery and see these kids who wanted a home so badly and my heart would break.  I didn't want to hound my husband to death with this call I felt that he obviously didn't and I knew this decision would take both of us being in agreement so I had let the idea rest.

One particular night Casey Johnson, our evangelist, preached a message called "A cause worth dying for." The scripture was actually based on David and Goliath but woven in were the causes we face in our world today.  Clean water, human trafficking, hunger, adoption, etc.  My heart was about to burst.  I felt fostering was our cause and the Lord was affirming that in my heart as the message unfolded.  At altar call I knelt in the corner of my pew and Ken went to the front of the church to pray.  I discussed with the Lord in my prayer time that I felt he was calling us to foster parent but I could not agree without my husband on board.  I prayed that if the Lord wanted us to do this that he would speak to Ken and have him approach me about it and that would be our confirmation. 
I returned to my seat after praying and Ken was still at the altar.  He motioned for me to come to the front and pray with him.  As I knelt there, he explained that after hearing the message he felt the Lord was calling us "to help some kids."  "I think we need to foster."  We prayed together right then.  Not knowing where, who or what the future held, I knew that God was in control of this situation and he had just confirmed it.





We are in training now.  We started this process in November but apparently although there is a huge shortage of homes for these kids, the process takes months and a lot of patience.  There are days that we are afraid of what the future holds.  Everyone doesn't think fostering kids is the best idea on the planet.  After all "some of them have lice"  and "they have to leave at some point, won't that be hard?"  "Some of these kids have problems."  They show up at all hours of the night." All of this is true and yet it hasn't changed our minds.  Strangely I've never been more sure that I was in the will of God than I do about this.

We pray about the days ahead.  I often pray for the child that is coming and their first night here.  I pray that we will be equipped to offer peace after a horrible day of being ripped from their parents and their home and how afraid and sad they will be.  I pray for the energy to deal with young children again.  I pray that we're not too old to do this.  I pray for understanding from our employers as we fall full blown into this.  I pray for peace as we watch our training videos and all the things that "could happen."  I pray for unfamiliar parenting strategies and the skills to incorporate them.  I pray for eyes to see birth parents through the eyes of Jesus. I pray that we can show the Father to the fatherless. That we can show love to the unloved.

I pray that you will watch this video.  And afterwards that you will think about how you can minister to orphans.  There are so many ways to do that even if you don't feel called to foster or adopt.  We as Christians claim to be pro-life.  We want mothers to avoid abortion.  We claim to believe that life is sacred.  It's easy to think it's someone else's responsibility to care for these children.  But Jesus said it is ours,  that we as the church are to care for them.

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress.  James 1:27

Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Psalm 82:3

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17


 


If nothing else, please pray for us as we finish our training and the waiting game.  Pray for the children that will come through our home. 

Pray that you will discover your cross and that you will pick it up and begin to follow him.  Whatever that cross may be.

If anyone serves me, let him follow me. John 12:25-26

And by follow I mean FOLLOW.  Not just in word...but in deed.

Make a difference for the kingdom.




 

Friday, February 7, 2014

A Foster Child's Memoir; Part II




I wasn't a foster child in the sense you are thinking.  But a "Foster" child I was.  My daddy gave me that name when I was born.  It may have changed when I married but the character traits remain.  There's a lot that goes along with being a "Foster."  Temper, opinions, strength, pride, compassion, determination.  Our clan can be as soft as we are hard.  As cold as we are hot. As kind as we are unreasonable.  The mold that makes up "us" is complex and often times misunderstood.  That's okay though because confidence is another trait we embody and if you like us you do and if you don't .....well, we are okay with that too.  If you stick around long enough to see through the rough stuff you will find we are the most compassionate, loyal people you will find.

I was born to Charles Foster and Dora Gillion in the fall of 67.  My parents married when my mom was very young.  By that time my dad had two other marriages under his belt. He was 10 years older than my mom, who was 14.  They had known each other a very short time.  Their life together as a couple would span 18 years and produce three children.  It would also produce love, laughter, faith, pain, joy and broken hearts.  I am the oldest of my siblings.  I've heard stories all my life of how my mom would buy me dresses and spend all her money on me before my sister and brother came along.  According to the stories I was pretty spoiled.  I pinched my aunt and spit on my uncle...or that's what they say.  Honestly I can't imagine still being alive if I had done those things but that's the rumor.  Somewhere along they way my parents rid me of all the evil that was the brat my extended family describes because what I remember is being pretty obedient.  My dad didn't play around.  He was fair in disciplining us but when he spoke...we listened.

Like any kid growing up, I tested my limits.  It didn't take me long to figure out where the line was but sometimes I would gather my courage and cross it.  My dad was always right there to point me back in the right direction.  When I was a toddler I wanted to roam during church but apparently that wasn't acceptable church behavior. After a few times of being taken out, I decided it was just best to do what mom and dad suggested :)  I pulled up all the flowers in our neighbor's yard one time.  That didn't go over well.  I remember the worse part about that episode was having to face my victims, apologize and explain what I had done.  My parents believed in accountability.  My brother stole something from Walmart once and my mom marched him right back in there and he got in major trouble when we got home.  Not to mention the fact that he broke windows.  My dad played detective though and mom went to court and all that resulted in my brother doing laundry at the local hospital as community service.  I guess I really should let him tell all of his stuff though so I'll stop there.  I won't mention the episode where he climbed our small town water tower all the way to the top while sirens blared and the mayor and local cops swarmed at the bottom.  Nope.  I won't mention that at all :) My sister simply ran away and hitched a ride with a trucker while we passed out flyers searching earnestly for her.    She took my make-up and clothes to her friends house too.  That got on my nerves but the trucker thing was worse by far.  We were pretty good kids though I promise.  I did get grounded for a year once for being at a hotel with a group of friends.  Boys were there and my dad didn't believe me when I told him we were watching movies.....I know what you're thinking but I swear it's true (we were watching movies!).  There wasn't much talking when he brought me home.  Just swift punishment and no fun for a year.  Believe me...he stuck to it.  He proved his tenacity during that period of my life.  For 12 months he was my shadow.


(One thing I keep coming back to is the tale my husband tells of when he was a boy.  He electrocuted a kid once just because he thought it would be funny and he's one of the nicest people I know (my husband that is..not the kid)  If my in-laws survived him and he turned out okay....there was hope for us.  Ken got a paddling every day at school and he wonders why..... BIG MYSTERY THERE.  He still laughs at people when they hurt themselves.  It's one of the things I'm still trying to understand about him after 30 years.)  That has nothing to do with any of this but I thought I would just throw it in there for good measure.




While we were out breaking windows, stealing, pulling up flowers, and hitching rides with truckers, mom and dad were teaching us to say "yes sir" and "yes mam" and to respect our elders.  Saying "yea" and "naw" wasn't acceptable and if we forgot.......well, we just didn't forget.  It wasn't an option. We weren't allowed to interrupt adults.  We asked for things with please and thank you.  Cultivating manners was important to my mom and dad and years later as I hear young people respond or engage in conversation with adults it makes me sad that we are losing the art of teaching respect and failing to insist on our children having manners.  Manners shouldn't be something from the old days or thought of as a "southern thing."  When a person extends a hand in greeting, take it...return the offer.  Whether you are in Arkansas or Kansas it's just simple courtesy.

(Disclaimer: If you don't agree feel free to click the red x in the top right corner and start your own blog :)

Just kidding

(actually I'm not.) 

Anyway, on with the narration:


Being lazy was not a thought that would occur to anyone living around my parents.  They both had strong work ethics.  When you washed the dishes you best wash them right the first time.  If not, ALL the dishes came out and you got to wash EVERYTHING..."sigh."  Once as we were pulling everything out of the cabinets when dad found a dirty skillet I made the mistake of asking if we had to wash the silverware too.  I don't think that had occurred to him but since I reminded him he decided yes, we had to wash the silverware too. We were all involved in keeping our home clean.  Vacuuming, dusting, making our beds every day, washing dishes...it was all part of being a part of this unit called a family.  We were expected to do our part.  I resented it sometimes as I was growing up and looked around at most of my friends, who weren't expected to do as much as we were, but knowing all of these things would prove to be skills I would need later on......  I just didn't know that at the time.  I'm sure my parents did.


to be continued......................



If you missed part I of this series click the link here.

A Foster Child's Memoir Part I


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Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Foster Child's Memoir




There are days that I am so conscious of the fact that simply having a roof over our heads, food in the pantry and our health is a blessing abundant.  There are things going on in the world around us where others are not so fortunate.  Safely tucked inside my own home those things seem far away and we tend to forget, to move on with our own lives thinking that those struggling around us will figure it out.  It's not really our problem, we have enough to deal with.


I feel that way too alot of days.  Dealing with grown people issues is tiring.  Resentment sometimes boils over because you wonder if the cycle ever ends.  You wonder if God has heard your never ending plea for deliverance and if so why the continuing battle.  Why does the enemy prevail in the lives of our loved ones and why do they continue to drag themselves to the dark places where sickness and fear are lurking.  The answers to these questions keep me awake at night.  Literally, as the phone rings at 1:00 a.m.




I get angry.  And I shed tears.  I raise my voice.  I am overcome.  I am tired.  I am human and sometimes my humanity gets the best of me. I hate that I even have to deal with any of it.  Why is it mine to deal with?  I've asked myself that question alot and the only thing I can come up with is because no matter how overcome I am, I can't walk away...or ignore...or just not care.  God gives me these people and maybe that is for a reason.  He commands me to love...but sometimes I struggle with loving well .....How deep is my capacity to love?  How far will it go?  How far will I go?  In asking myself these questions he reminds me how far he goes for me...


My comfort is in my safe life.  The happy life I have built with my husband and my son.  My home is our sanctuary.  A safe place where I am respected and encouraged and cheered on by the people who love me, as I do them.  It is the place I dreamed of and one that I never take for granted.  I've lived the uncertainty.  I've swallowed my fear and pressed on.  I've experienced the loneliness... and the whys and why nots.  It's not a pleasant memory nor one I wish to relive, which may be part of my angst.




The life I have today is very different from the one I lived growing up.  I believe everything we experience in life molds us into the people God sees as a finished product and for that reason I wouldn't change anything.  I hold tight to values and morals my parents taught me and I believe my experiences have made me the person I am today... and if nothing else they have pushed me closer to a great big God that has always proven to be bigger than anything I have ever faced.

 
 
 
I've wanted to write this for a long time....my story.  We all have our childhood memories and people living in the same house may have different views.  Their own story.  This is my story and my memories and if they differ, it doesn't mean either are wrong.  It simply means these are my memories and this is how it effected me.....how it still does.

..........................................to be continued.


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Not One Word





Everywhere I look people are choosing a word for the new year.  Of course, me being me, not just one word will do.  Call me greedy but I kinda like words.  Actually I loooove words.  I read them.  I write them.  I read and write them some more.  I write them in my journals.  I record them on my blog.  I save them on my tablet.  I write them on small scraps of paper and tuck them away.  Words are so important in our lives.  It's the means in which we communicate.  Verbally and on paper (and every other source of media these days.)  Words can build us up, or tear us down.  They can take us to places we may never have the opportunity to go.  Curling up with a collection of words is one of my favorite things to do.  Without books, without words, I would be incomplete.  Words have power.  Words increase our knowledge.
 
 


The words of Paul in Phillipians are the words that I have been pondering the last few days.  I'm absolutely sure that it is no accident that the Lord has brought me back here again and again to read chapter 3.  You see I had been reading the Joshua Code which is a fantastic little book that talks about the importance of memorizing scripture.  It got me to thinking about my "word" for the year.  I didn't just want to choose any word.  I wanted to choose a collection of words to memorize for the year.  Scripture that would be the spiritual driving force in all the days of 2014.  I thought about what I wanted spiritually, the prayer I wanted the Lord to hear and answer..the deepest desire of my heart.  As I laid across my bed early one morning reading his word and writing in my prayer journal, I thought I want to KNOW you Lord.  And I whispered that prayer and sent it out into the universe for the holy spirit to capture and deliver to the throne room of God.  Not "oida" the greek word for knowing often used in the new testament... but rather "ginosko."  Oida simply means to "see, to observe."  I want to "ginosko" (to know from personal involvement, to understand... often used in describing a marital relationship.)  You see I think alot of us know the Lord in the oida sense. We hear about him, we recognize his name when it is spoken.  We "see" him and observe him on Sundays.  Sometimes on Wednesdays.  We like to hang out with him when it's convienent for us and talk with him occassionally.  We know him from the biblical accounts we hear from the pulpit but I'm asking myself......Do we really "KNOW" him.  Do we have a personal involvement with him that manifests a "ginosko" kind of knowing?  Do we know him like Paul talks about in Phillipans 3:10-11.. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
 
 

And so after much pondering I settled on that verse.  I chose my word for 2014.  This living "word."  (For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12)  I don't know about you but I need a "living" word.  I need Jesus to penetrate the joints and the marrow of my body, my soul, and my spirit and divide the things that are pleasing to him and those that aren't. I need him to judge my attitude and my thoughts.  I need him to come into my heart and clean house.......because I want to know Christ.  I want to know him like I have never known him.  I want to chase after him and whirl him around so that I can look in his face and throw myself into his loving arms with wild abandon.  And I want to stay there soaking up everything I can to know him, his character and his ways..so that God willing, I can become like him.
 
 

It's funny how the Lord works all things together for good.  I was watching a sermon online by David Platt New Year's Eve and it was called "Don't waste your life."  The text for that sermon was none other than Phillipians Chapter 3....  Imagine that.  To further solidify that the Lord is confirming the fact that I need to "know" him, he led me back there again last night.  Happenstance?  Coincidence?  I don't think so.  I had downloaded 10 free Beth Moore books for my kindle and I selected "To Live is Christ" to start on last night.  I could have selected any of those ten books.   Any scripture could have been included in my study.  The bible does have 66 books, 1189 chapters and endless verses.  Paul wrote a good portion of the new testament so it could have been any random selection of text he had penned.  But no, it wasn't a random verse.  It was a specific verse... Phillipians Chapter 3.....AGAIN.  I could only giggle like a little girl.  He knows me.  He's listening and I know that it is the greatest desire of his heart as well..............that I know him.
 
 

So "ginosko" it is..and the entire chapter of Phillipians Chapter 3.  That's the word I'm starting off 2014 with.  What about you?  What word is the Lord leading you to?

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Sunday, December 29, 2013

A Cord Not Easily Broken








I think about it every day.  Him.  His character.  His spirit.  His ways that are so different from mine and yet so appealing to me.  I know it's because all the ways that God made him different from me are like balm to my soul. Pouring into all the cracks and filling in the empty spaces. He is what I am not and God in his infinite wisdom knew that was exactly what I needed.


The feel of his hand resting in the small of my back as he guides me across a parking lot or on my arm as he leads me into a room is his way of expressing respect and protection and I love the feel of that.  It makes me feel safe and cherished.


When he works beside me in the kitchen or dusts a piece of furniture or when he has one end of a sheet and I have the other and we begin to fold... meeting in the middle... sharing our tasks....... 
 It is in these moments that he is loving me.






When he looks at me in a room full of people and our eyes meet we can exchange a thousand words without one being spoken.

When there is a need for words, he often finds the right ones and whispers them gently providing comfort or advice...affirmation....and sometimes even a gentle rebuke.


We are not saints.  We, like everyone else are sinners in relationship.  Every day isn't a scene from "Leave it to Beaver."  We aren't June and Ward.  There are times that we disagree, see things differently, yell, cry, slam the door.  We too look at our finances and wonder how we will pull it off.  There are days that I don't like myself, so I'm sure he's struggling to put up with me..and yes there are moments that I am having a hard time seeing him in his best light.  EVERY DAY in marriage is not easy.  Believing that you will live with someone for the rest of your life and never disagree, be angry, be tired, face trials, be fed up is not realistic.  It happens.


He may want to make me happy by taking me camping because he knows I love it, but after loading 50 gallon totes of decorative pillows, quilts and blankets plus the chalkboard I insist on bringing while I continue following behind him asking 1001 questions while sweat is beginning to form on his forehead....his desire to make me happy may begin to evaporate.  It may begin to dim even more once we arrive at the campsite and he begins to unload everything he just loaded with the knowledge that in two days we will be loading it again.  Yes, people, it is in times like this that life happens and fairy tales end.


There are times he needs ESPN and I need HGTV. I need a book, he needs the remote.  He needs the thermostat on 74 and I need it at 68.  He wants a hotel with air conditioning and I want a camper with none.  He thinks my being quiet so he can sleep late is better than me talking to him at 7:00 a.m...... on his day off.... and then proceeding to tell me exactly that.
 I am now going to take a time out and quote him my friends......... ("Sssh..silence is better."  )  Can you believe that?!
Somehow regardless of all of our differences, obstacles, quirky family members, life and hard core reality, we keep choosing "us."  The "us" changes.  We aren't the same people we were when we were 15 and 18..or even 15 years ago for that matter.  We may not always be the best "us."  But we keep choosing "us."
Because "for better or worse" is FOR REAL.  When the scale climbs higher, when the hair starts thinning, when you don't feel worthy or beautiful or he feels less than..you make a choice.  We don't just choose a dress, a color for our brides maids, a cake.  We don't just committ to one day.  We also choose this man (or woman)...this life.... and all the days that will follow our wedding day.  They aren't always perfect.  Alot of times it's more complicated than just "me and him." 

However I've found that keeping our eyes on Jesus helps us with choosing.  He set us apart to be a help mate to each other.  To build up, to encourage, to believe in and support each other.  Sadly many times this is not what we choose.  We choose to belittle our husbands or wives, gossip about them and comunicate with others regarding their shortcomings.  We would rather talk with everyone else rather than gathering the courage to speak to our mate and work together regarding the issues in our marriages.  Unfortunately this gains us nothing but a place in the local gossip mill and does nothing to improve our relationships.  Our marriages are not bringing glory to God because we are not looking to him.  We choose the world and it's way of resolving our differences instead of  choosing "us."  The "US" that God ordained as a covenant relationship.

We can be different and still be successful in our marriages.  We can overcome if we are willing to put God in the center and speak with him regarding all the changes that need to occur in our marriages...on both sides.   We can become better at this marriage thing if we stop asking God to just change our mate and ask him to change us as well.  We can start building a team.  A team that consists of us and God.  A three strand cord....not easily broken. (Ecc. 4:12)

O.k. friends on a lighter note...I'm off to organize my 50 gallon camping tote for spring and praying that the Lord will send the comforter to my husband as he prepares to deal with me and my "stuff" and that he will move in my heart to downsize to the 25 gallon tote as a compromise :) 
PRAY WITH ME WILL YOU?

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas 2013



 We just washed the last dish.  Everyone has slowly returned to their own nest.  The rush of the season has settled to a peaceful quiet and we are resting.  Enjoying the last few hours of being together as a family in the glow of the Christmas tree and the glimmer of candle light.

I requested to host at our house this year and I had a wonderful time getting everything ready for our family to arrive.  When our son was small we hosted Christmas at our home a lot but since he's grown up we enjoy Christmas dinner at my in-laws house and she is a fabulous cook!  It was a little daunting taking on the meal but I swallowed the lump in my throat and set about planning a menu.


My mom is such an awesome southern cook.  We had the privilege of sliding our feet under her table Christmas Eve.  Of course I turned to her for advice in attempting to replicate her dressing.  Epic fail people..Epic fail.  I'm kinda out of practice fixing dressing since it's been years but if you poured a lot of gravy over it..you could get it down :)  All the food at my mom's was AMAZING! We had 12 hands pitching in to help clean everything up before we headed back home and my mom was so impressed how fast it all went.  I on the other hand thought the pile of dishes would never end today.  Six hands is a lot less than 12.  Thank goodness for my sister-in-law and my husband.  We finally found the end of it all.
Mac looked so handsome all dressed up in red.  He was pulling out all the tricks for his Christmas treats and to have a chance to fetch his new Christmas balls.
 
One of the reasons I asked to host this year was to help me stay focused on the season and not so much on the fact that this is our first year without my dad at Christmas.  He went on the ventilator last year on Christmas Day and went to be with the Lord three days later when he asked us to take it off.  It was important for me to incorporate some of his things in our décor to honor him and this red truck was perfect for that.
 
I also used his blue onion dishes at each place setting.  I know that would have made him happy.  He loved food so much and eating Christmas dinner off of his antique collected plates just seemed appropriate. 

We started off the festivities this morning with these. 

 
And quickly got focused on unwrapping all the beautiful gifts we were so abundantly blessed with.


There were smiling faces all around.  We are so fortunate to be surrounded by our families and blessed beyond what we deserve.  God is so good.




Of course the most important gift is found between the pages of this very special book.  You can read all about it in Luke Chapter 2. 


We've created so many wonderful memories.


Memories surrounded by our faith.


Good food.




And family.


Even those who are celebrating Christmas with Jesus this year.


Because we never know when memories are all we will have left.

Merry Christmas

The Taylors


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

How Do We?



 I've been thinking a lot about this question lately.  HOW DO WE?  I've read the verse...a couple thousand times.  Lately though I've been wondering not just about what Jesus said but more about what he wants us to DO with what he says.


Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  Matthew16:24

I guess the problem I and most people have (if we are honest with ourselves) is the whole "deny yourselves" part. 

I mean I pray and I ask the Lord to guide me, to lead me, to show me what he wants me to do and basically he already has.  DENY YOURSELF.

Stop making it about me..what I'm comfortable with...what is convenient for me....what doesn't disrupt my life..what doesn't require anything but me showing up (if I even decide to do that)..my timing, my preferences, my limits, my will. MY..MY...MY... MY...MY.

I imagine the Lord sitting up there shaking his head as we run around in circles trying to figure this whole thing out and saying exactly that :)



The next part is kinda scary too. 

"Take up your cross"

What's that all about?

What is my cross?  What is the purpose of my cross? Where am I suppose to take it to?
I wonder maybe if I think about his cross and it's purpose and where he took it, I might find the answers to the questions about mine.

Because the next few words spell it out plain and simple.

"Follow me."

Follow him where?
Okay..I'm going to go out on a limb here and throw this out there....

In giving up our will?

Remember that moment in the garden?  When Jesus faced the cross and he was so distressed at the cross he knew he would soon take up?
Nevertheless, he said..."Not my will but thine be done."
He knew it wasn't going to be easy, he knew it meant pain and agony and a major disruption in his earthly life. (Literally)
But he obeyed.  He didn't make it about him.



He made it about us.

And I want to follow him in that.  I want to make my life count.  To make it about someone else.  To really go about BEING a disciple and not simply reading about being one.


I want to take up my cross, to follow him into the world and off my pew to make a difference in someone's life.
I want to stop making excuses about how it's going to affect me and more about how his kingdom and the people he created are affected by my obedience.

Who knows what he may do?  He may turn my whole comfortable life upside down.




Psst.....Can I confide something?


That scares me! 

 I kinda like my life :/

But ya know what scares me more?

Doing NOTHING at all.


 22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

James 1:22-25