I am really disturbed by what the Lord has been speaking to my heart lately. I've talked to my husband about it. About what we can do as a couple to rise up from our pews and actually walk out into the world and begin to make a REAL difference in our community, our world. My soul is longing to put my hands to something, to love on someone, to heal, to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I'm not disturbed because I don't want to...I just don't even know where to start. I wish he would show up with a mega phone and say "Go here." "Do this" "These people" But he doesn't (or hasn't yet) and I'm left wondering which direction to go. I do know when I read these types of things...
I realize (or should I say I'm reminded) that there is a whole big world out there of hurting people and that yes, it is messy but it's real. I've been thinking and questioning if the Lord is pleased with how I/we serve. Is he content that we show up every week and sing the doxology, two hymns, one praise song, listen to the sermon and go to Sunday lunch with our friends? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this makes us bad people. I'm just wondering is that all there is to it? Is it enough? And if it is why I am felling like it's not.
Are we suppose to get together and talk about other people who are doing mission work or are we suppose to actually be getting together to DO mission work.
I'm not waiting on my "You're going to Africa" call. I realize that there are a thousand things right here in my own city limits that the Lord might use me/us to do. I just wish it was more clear what that is. Am I the only one who struggles with this? It seems as though I'm just sitting around waiting on the plane to fly over with the sign attached while all these things go undone. I know in my heart it's in the small things as well as the BIG. It could be a phone call, a card, a hug or a smile, an invitation, or maybe just to show up.
Speaking of showing up....
A friend of my brother's/fellow church member showed up one night at my dad's home when it was potentially going to flood to dig a trench to keep the water at bay. He got the call at the last minute and he dropped everything and came. He stayed from early afternoon until almost dawn on a back hoe in the rain. I remember thanking him but what I remember most was his response.
"It's what we do if we are Christians...we show up when our brothers and sisters need us."
It wasn't a haughty response...just a "is there any other way to be attitude."
He served our family lunch at my dad's funeral.
I bet Jesus smiles when he looks down on Brother Rick.
He's so selfless. A less of me, more of him spirit.
I don't know...maybe it's just another "deep thinking session." Maybe it's the Lord pressing upon my heart. I just know that he created us for a purpose and I'm positive it wasn't to keep a pew warm.
When I read verses like this:
Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
I get the feeling he means REALLY.
I don't pretend to know the mind of God. His ways are so much higher than my ways. But from what I've read in THE BOOK, I think he wants a relationship with us and not so much organized, program religion from us.
I don't want to be standing in the throne room of God at the curtain call and he say
"What did you do with me Mary Anne?"
And the only thing I got is the weekly doxology I sang and the fact that my space in the church was occupied each week.
So God if you're listening up there...and I know you are....
Could you please knock me over the head or something..
Spin me around and point me in the right direction where you can use this mess of me?
That would be awesome cool and I wouldn't be wasting so much of your precious time.
You can find me on the front row of that little church out in the middle of nowhere.
Or even more amazing is that I know you know right where I sleep.
I've got my ears tuned and my heart open.
Do your thing.