Never, Never, Never

This is the final week. Friday marks the day that Jesus gives his life.  On a tree that he created and grew with that very intention. If we didn't know that Sunday came, the forecast may look somber and bleak.  However, we have the privilege of hind sight and we know that the grave could not contain the love that death so eagerly anticipated conquering. 

 

 Today we celebrate Palm Sunday..the day that Jesus entered Jerusalem..the beginning of the week that would bring to fruition the entire reason for Jesus' existence on Earth.  One key player stands out in my mind. He's the loud mouth, the walk on water show off, the one who encountered Jesus on the Sea of Galilee and left it all behind, never looking back....before I give him too much credit I should point out that he also wanted to know what was in it for him...."We've given  up everything to follow you.  What will we get out of it?" (Matthew 19:27 NLT) 

 

Peter.  The never, never, never guy.  As Jesus set about preparing the disciples, Peter, the stand out guy, pulls Jesus aside to correct him.  "Heaven forbid Lord," he said.  This will NEVER happen to you!" (Matthew 16:22 NLT)  and later as they gather in the upper room as Jesus predicts his denial.."Even if everyone else deserts you, I NEVER will. Peter, Jesus replied, the truth is, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times."  No!, Peter insisted. "Not even if I have to die with you!  I will NEVER deny you!" (Matthew 26:33-25 NLT, emphasis mine)

 

 

 

All his adamant confessions of loyalty sounded good at the time, but we know that Jesus was right (big surprise there) and Peter caved under the pressure.  We also know that Peter wept bitterly. I bet Peter was thinking...It's over.  I failed.  He knew I would.  Guess he'll have to find a new rock to build his church on. There went my throne he promised me.  Someone else will have to serve as judge to the twelve tribes of Israel.  I'm an EPIC FAILURE.

 

What I love about this story is the upcoming beach scene.  Man, Jesus always has an awesome come back scene doesn't he?  We look at ourselves and we see failure.  He looks at us and he sees potential.  The beach scene is one of the most amazing pictures of restoration I see in the bible.  It's heart wrenching.  You know why?  Because I see me in Peter. An epic failure.  I have all these lofty ideas of loyalty and devotion..commitment and never, never, nevers...and Jesus assures me that in looking at myself, I too am nothing but a failure.  "But no, all have turned away; all have become corrupt. No one does good, not a single one! (Psalms 14:3 NLT)

 

 

Let's travel to the beach, back to where it all started, at the Sea of Galilee.  Jesus has died, and been resurrected.  He's appearing to his disciples again.  Filling their nets once more. He's playing host, serving breakfast and when Peter hears his voice and John assures him it is the Lord, he can't wait for the boat to dock.  He swims to shore.  He's not hiding in shame, or guilt or regret.  He's running to the Lord. (John 21)

 

 

 

 

Jesus doesn't even breathe a word of "I told you so."  "Come eat some breakfast", he says.  After the physical needs had been met, Jesus set about meeting Peter's spiritual needs.  I don't know if you ever noticed but Jesus asked Peter if he loved him...and you know what I noticed?  He asked him THREE times.  I find that significant.  Peter has pledged his undying love to Jesus before... but in the end he denied it THREE times.  So here we are and Jesus is asking him "Peter, do you love me?"  "Peter, do you love me?" "Peter do you love me?" Of course Peter tells him he does....and then..."feed my sheep."  No lecture, no recap, no request for an apology...just "feed my sheep." In my mind essentially he is saying, get busy...the past is the past, east to west..forgetting what lies behind...be about my father's business.  And just like that, Peter is redeemed, refocused, reaffirmed.

 

It's the same with us.  As Good Friday approaches and we recall our epic failure to make ourselves right with God and his  great sacrifice to right our inadequacies,  know that he isn't standing on the beach waiting to chastise us for our failures... but to ask us that same question..."Do you love me?" 

 

 

FEED MY SHEEP...................

 

 

Downton Abbey

I know I'm a bit behind...Who hasn't heard of Downton Abbey after all?  They are somewhere towards wrapping up the end of season three right?  Don't tell me.  I just finished season 2 and am ready to settle in with what happens next..after the war has ended.  What will become of Mary and Matthew?  Bates and Anna?  Will Edith ever marry?  I'm sure some of you already know these answers but don't spoil it for me okay?  I'm loving the suspense.  It's what has me watching multiple episodes a night.

This one cracks me up! Seriously,  I laugh out loud!

There are some scheming females in this house and the Dowager Countess reigns supreme.

And what of Mary?  Do I love her or do I hate her?  I haven't quite decided yet but she is growing on me.

This one however, I am convinced...she is evil.

If you are like me and have been hiding under under a rock somewhere and haven't heard of this masterpiece until recently, you MUST watch it.

Beware..you will become addicted. 

We sit with our tv trays in front of us, grazing on baked potatoes and salad, limeade and sweet tea and press play.....again and again until we insist this is the last episode of the night because alas, tomorrow we must work and escape the turn of the century and World War I and all that is happening in the lives of the Crawley's and Downton Abbey.

Two are better than one

He sat beside me in church.  Two hearts broken, kindred spirits in grief.  Not sharing much for over an hour, simply a pew and the same sense of sadness and loss.  At one point he simply slid the brochure to me.  Her picture was on the front and her whole life was summed up in a few short paragraphs on the inside pages.  A lump was in my throat and it was hard to swallow....to even breathe as I tried to control my emotions.  I knew his pain as I poured over every feature of her face.  Her blue eyes met mine and I mourned her loss, his loss..and mine.  Silent tears ran down my face and settled salty inside my mouth. I started to take deep breaths and exhale through my nose.  Someone, somewhere, said that was suppose to be helpful.  I met my husband's eyes as he stood at the front pouring over the third chapter of  Hebrews. I heard him vaguely in the background teaching above the roaring in my ears.  It happens quite randomly..this crashing wave of emotions but when it comes, there is no escape.  You just ride it out.  We stare at each other across the room, quiet and yet speaking a thousand words that only the two of us understood in that moment. 



Once the service is over we remain in our seats as people move around us and we share where we are and how far we aren't....We talk about sleep and the lack thereof.  The irrational thinking and the deep pit of sadness. We talk about people that were a part of us, who gave us life... and somewhere in the middle of it all we relive their death. But somehow it's easier...because we are doing it together.  We laugh about how a song can be the phrase you remember they always said.  And how life seems so different and how it is not our life to do with as we please. He gently reminds me that we have given our lives to someone else and how quitting is not an option although it seems the most plausible choice. And I listen.. and occassionally lay my hand across his arm as a silent comfort of mutual understanding.  There is alot more to be said..but it will have to wait and we are both okay with that. We know there will be another time and that a heart can only hold so much at a time.  I went home having no idea what Hebrews Chapter 3 was about..and yet I knew that I had learned something biblical.  I had experienced something spiritual.  Something I needed and someone who needed me.

Finally Home

If you've stopped by lately and there are no new posts, I'm kinda out of the whole writing thing right now. My dad passed away December 28th and for me, the world has shifted off its axis.  Grief has moved in and set up shop and he and I are becoming acquainted.  I'm not fond of grief in the least.  It changes me and my normal.  It makes me have feelings and responses that normally would not be a part of my make-up.  But somehow, I know that we are in this together for the long haul. Exhaustion has set in..everything makes me on edge.  Anything can send me into a crying jag. I don't know what to do with myself and to be honest, I don't know how to let others do anything for me.  So I ask them to pray.  Because I know that Jesus knows what to do with all of me.  I don't even have the words to say to him..but the bible assures me that the holy spirit intervenes on my behalf.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Romans 8:26 NIV

So, I'm feeling the need for quiet right now. 

Because everything else seems almost ridiculous.

Maybe forcing my self to do normal things will help eventually,

But for now, I long for peace.

I'm so excited to share with you that my Dad has found peace.  He is no longer fighting for his next breath, or wasting away his time in a dialysis chair.  His lungs are free of fluid.  I imagine he has taken up residence on the river of life that proceeds out of the throne of God...and if it's not breaking the rules, I bet he has a fishing pole he drops in between the chorus of holy, holy, holy.

What an honor it was, and yet the hardest task I've ever undertaken, to hold his hand and pray him all the way home. He had told me earlier that day "Let me die."  In essence, because of his surrender to Christ, he was actually asking to live....forever.

I'm hiding my self in the word.  It is asking me to do things that seem almost impossible...

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.
James 1:2 NLT

In this moment, I am not feeling any joy or even see any indication of joy on the horizon.

But I walk by faith and not by sight.  I believe God more than I do my feelings and I trust his promises.

Weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5

Right now it seems dark in the world without my dad here.  But morning comes and he and I will walk hand in hand... because if he and my mom taught me anything...anything at all.. it was how to live to get where he is.


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Daddy's Hands

This is my daddy's hands.  They are "hard work" hands.  Hands that have caressed a rough piece of wood and crafted it into something beautiful.  Hands that have taken the materials of his trade and built a cabinet, remodeled a room, built a home.  Hands that have corrected me and consoled me. Hands that have directed me and defended me.  They are beautiful hands.  Olive toned..much like my own..and yet they are wiser and more experienced, all of which is earned with age and adversity.

My daddy's hands are special. 

 They hold they hands of our children...and dance.

And bring back memories of when we were young and I would work side by side in his shop

building things..

The smell of sawdust still evokes the best of times..when it was just me and my dad.

Sanding wood

Staining furniture

and making memories.

 

 

My daddy's hands embrace me and let me know that I am special to him..as he is to me.

 

Right now my dad's hands are dressed in needles and tape..connected to IV poles

pouring antibiotics into his body.

He's had a rough 3 years.

Dialysis isn't an interesting way to spend 12 hours of your week

Or the extra few it takes to recover.

His body is raging with fever tonight

and he is in pain..

And so am I

but not physically.

His chest tube continues to drain fluid

delaying the procedure he needs...

and all he wants is to

make it home in time for

Christmas.

 

If you're the praying type...

 

I'd appreciate it.

And I'm sure he would.

 

He has plans to cook a ham and a turkey...

and have us all there with him.

 

And that's really what I want as well.

That's what I pray for.

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Favoured One

Isn't she gorgeous?

 

 

 

Luke 1:30-34

 

 

 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.

And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.

 He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:

 And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end. 

 

Amen

Coffee Station

I've been scouting out something I could use as a coffee station for months now.  Nothing really caught my eye.  There are only two of us in our house that even drink coffee so I wanted to keep it simple.  I think the Keurig machines are cool but not really worth the expense (for me.)  Not trying to be a frugal snob but with only two of us drinking the stuff and one of those not even home most of the time, it isn't worth the cash to me.  I don't want to spend that much money on a coffee maker nor the pods that go in it..I still want to be able to buy my other treasures after all :) 

 

 

 

I found this tiered serving piece at an anitique mall this weekend while we were visiting Franklin, TN ......again.  I loved the scalloped edges and the creamy color. What I didn't love was the gold colored handles..so I spray painted them and took some of the paint off with my finger nail after it had almost dried.  I love the new look much better.

 

 

 

 

 

These sweet little Pfaltzgraff cups, I found at the GW....  4 of them for 2 bucks :)  They fit perfectly on the first plate.  They are wide and just the right height to work here.  I'm drinking out of one of them now as I type.  Wish I had taken a picture of this carmel colored deliciousness!

 

 

 

 

 

I snagged this coffee canister at a yard sale this fall and purchased the small red canisters this weekend from DG to put sugar and cappuccino in.  The little snow flake adds a winter touch to this  corner of our coffee station counter area.

 

 

 

 

I add two of these little sweethearts in my cup.  They don't even need to be refrigerated so that means they can sit on the top of the station and be handy dandy.  This girl loves some cream!  Coffee-mate makes some splendid flavors too.  Carmel Macchioto is one of our absolute favorites.

 

 

 

If you have non-coffee drinkers in your house like we do..there's always hot chocolate.

 

Happy Holidays Folks!

 

Hope you're snuggled in like we are enjoying a warm cup of coffee and admiring the lights on your tree, and most importantly reflecting on a baby in Bethlehem.

 

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